My Witchy Awakening
Wow this has been a long time coming!
I mean, I know I've touched on it over the years, but I've never really fully documented or blogged about it before.
On one hand I know the journey is more than a books worth of happenings, and on the other I know I am mid writing one too, so it's a bit like segmenting up the stories into what's for this and what's for that.. Either way it's all connected after all! While the book I'm currently writing includes all the magical moments along the way, I guess this starts at the very beginning..
The beginning of that awfully hard and frickin beautiful experience we call, 'an awakening'.
I guess sometimes once you do 'awaken' you can start to remember all the times you kind of were.. just not quite. Or the times you were a child.. the times you naturally carried magic in your heart before the world told you IT WASN'T REAL!!
What's exaggerated, told as myths, legends, or the sparks we see fly out of a wand on the tele, may not all be real, but the roots from it all carries our past, present and reality we live in today.
Don't let anyone tell you magic isn't real!
For one, if they don't believe, they will never find it. And two, you are magic!
We underestimate the walking miracles that we are. Just being here is fascinating enough, and if you don't feel that way, it might be time you looked for the magic inside of you, around you and be in pursuit of what you wish for..
I feel like it started the moment I became a mother, even before I knew I was becoming one, before I had 'the shock of my life', deep down, I knew she was already there.
We laugh how I tell her she told me from the womb she was called Summer and arrived 3 weeks early on Summer's Day just to prove her point!
I was calling her Olivia! ..and then it hit me, every part of my being knew.
It's Summer. That's who she is.
I know my spiritual friends will agree with me when we say, we choose our parents. And I guess you will only grasp the concept if you've walked the spiritual path, otherwise it's codswallop.
But we do laugh, love and talk about this theory quite a bit at home and it's how we see it.
So 11 years ago, last week to be exact, I was bursting with gratitude that my first bambino was going to be a girl.
I wasn't until my second little lady arrived that life took a shift.
The wound is where the light gets in, and I guess at the time it's hard to see when you're consumed with pain.
There isn't one inspirational or spiritual person I know that hasn't hit rock bottom. The thing they all have in common; it became their foundation for everything they went on to become.
'Rock bottom was the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life' - J.K.Rowling
I'd say it got shit, then great, then shit and shitter and shitter lol ..few peeps of light, shit, then more shit, then healing, then understanding, growth and empowerment.
Like they say, the awakening journey is NOT for the faint hearted.
But to start with you don't see the shit from the trees! lol the shit shakes you up, but it's the wow moments that wake you up that's for sure...
Your purpose finds you when you're brave enough to take the first step...
It was 2013 when I very first watched 'The Secret'. I remember thinking the whole way through, well derrrrr ..and that was just the start!
Some time after I put my hands in the air and told the universe 'what I wanted to do'
I'll never forget the moment or how daft I felt at the time, but I smiled nonetheless..
'I want to be an artist, create events, tie it all together and live a magical life'
I told my eldest last week, if she were to visit me at that time and tell me where I'd be now in relation to what I've done, I'd never of believed her!
Before I returned to work after my second baba, I wasn't just a hermit, I was a socially anxious I aint going anywhere kind of hermit. The kind of hermit that cried when the Makers Market was on as I really wanted to go, but oh dear god I wasn't going that's for sure. Who knew...
After a great year with the greatest boss, he was only leaving me!!!
I think something happened when this happened.
I wasn't just loosing a boss. I was loosing the only guy close to being a father like figure that I'd had. He was more than a colleague, the bestest friend and someone I looked up to for everything.
Once my new boss had arrived, the pay rise was about to leave me worse off (single-parent problems) I then had my little chat with the world...
I didn't realise at the time, but it was serendipity after another!
The only problem was I had to go through the destruction, the unknown and the loosing the familiar and start over.
I was getting everything I'd asked for..
Usually the universe likes to make you strong, test your readiness and make you work like a bitch to get it.
It wasn't until things started to come together that I was like wow, this is happening!
The more magical 'coincidences' 'signs' and pitstops along the way were breathtaking to say the least. It was like the beginning of all the dots coming together. 8 years later and boy are they connected!
As my new life took form, one by one I 'lost' my job, home, partner, closest friends and what I knew of as the norm. From the other perspective, I jumped into my dream work, got a degree, lived at my family 'home' for my Nona's last year and learnt the true value of friendship.
There's not just two sides to a story, there's always two perspectives of anything! It will mainly depend on which points you decide to highlight, which story you tell - the shit points, the great points, or in my case the whole shabang! lol - it's a great thing to remember when moaning or changing your mindset from victim to warrior; changing your story and focusing on the good, it's what can shift everything going forward!
I tell you now, if I look back at some pics from that time, I probably presented myself as more ok than ever, when I was absolutely far from it! These days I can totally look hobo and trust me when I say I'm cool with that.
There's me, hosting a self-love challenge!?! Unbelievable. Definitely for my old self that's for sure. I never thought it would even be possible to be so ok and happy in your own skin! That said with the spots that are mine, the stretch marks from my babies and the growing roots of my natural hair, it's mine and I am more than ok with it and it blows me away! Yet it took practice, a lot of it! But like anything, practice makes nearly perfect in an imperfectly perfect fashion.
'What's weird about you is probably your best asset!'
When you hit the floor and beg for mercy, the universe, god, the angels, whoever, hears.
It hears and it answers. During these transformational days that seemed the end of the world, a new one had started.. a new and revived quest for magic!
Art will always be my number one love, but history holds the mysteries, the myths and the clues to you, your purpose and so much magic it truly is never ending..
Be mindful which rabbit hole you feel is worth going down. None of them end. So if you are looking at things that aren't lifting your vibration, know it will take you down with it, and same goes for the opposite effect.
They say the only way is through.. and yes, if you try to go round you might feel like you've gone round in another circle, ended up back where you started...
My wounds, like you may find or found, don't really go away until we address them.
It's awful but truly enlightening. Healing is horrible, but you can totally smash it! That's why people who have shout about it, they want you to know it is possible, that things can turn around. Not just a little bit, but miraculously.
In 2017, my grandma; my best buddy, passed away. I think to take on the spiritual path you have to want to, be called or dive in to embrace it.
Over the years before I'd attended spiritual groups, Buddhist meditation, Warrior Goddess workshops and as many magical courses I could find. And yet once my Nona had gone it was time to go within, not just out.
We can find so much information in the world, but what you find inside is beyond words..
When I first tripped myself up into an awakening, in the beginning of the adventure, it was through absolute balling did I then see the light. I was mad, upset and I wanted answers! Like where the fuck is she and give her back to me!!
It was then I realised how dam powerful it was to have someone you love so much on the other side.. That's your bridge. Don't doubt you can't meet, not how you want but you still can.
Sometimes it's little things, sometimes it's big things. Sometimes the more in flow you are, the more serendipities that follow..
The more you answer your call, the louder you hear it.
It may be hazy at first, it will no doubt take work, tears and time until you find your bliss.
Being yourself isn't just wise words for a good quote. It's what changes everything!! Being you is real freedom, real self-love, real empowerment and 100% real magic.
I never liked the quote 'fake it til you make it' from the inauthentic aspect, but for yourself, just for you, be a fool! Tell yourself you can, tell yourself you can until you do, and you may just end up ever so surprised!
While this was just the beginning and no doubt I'll go into it again; talk about the wow moments, the hell moments, what's to come and the magical experience that it's been so far.. for now if I can end it with one realisation..
Your pain opens a path most prefer to avoid. Be brave, keep going and hold that faith.
We can mistake bravery for being strong, when in fact the bravest thing you can ever do is be absolutely vulnerable, show up and let your true self be seen..
(The Call to Courage; Brené Brown.)
To be continued...